I am a Care Coordinator for a mental health agency. I sit in meetings with parents who complain about the actions of their children more than I can even tell you. Often the parent is spending valuable time yelling at or arguing with their “unruly” teenager because the teenager does not want to do what the parent is saying. The one thing that is missing from the conversations are the moments where the parent takes off the parent “hat” for just a few minutes and actually plays with their teenager. Playing with your child does not stop when they reach double digit ages. Teenagers spend the better part of their days having to follow the rules and live in a society that is trying to make them fit into a box by following rules set forth by older people who do not often try to understand their shifting worlds. Teenagers need some interactions with their parents that are not about following the rules. They need to be able to walk into a room and have their parents dance a dance with them on this “weird” Tik Tok app. They need you to just take a few minutes and be the cool parent. They need you to be the one who spends at least a few moments with them relating to them on a level that only has to do with having fun. If you would like your teenager to listen to you in other moments, you need to play with them. You need to learn that dance to put on Tik Tok. You need to play those video games and have your character die every time because in the end, it is not about the game. It is about the time. It is about the moments where a parent can be a kid again and the kid or teenager can feel free enough to just have and enjoy that moment. So, be the parent when you need to, but be the kid and remember to play with your teenagers.

You and I are around people daily who have the things that we want. They are married. They have children. They have nice homes. They have nice cars. They have money. They are known to people. People want to be in their circle. You want to be in their circle. You imagine what their lives are like and aspire to be what you imagine. You look at the people who are around you who have more than you and you want more. What most people don’t realize is that the person they aspire to become may very well be a prisoner in their own minds. People pretend to be happy when they don’t even love themselves. They pretend to be happy while having flashbacks of what people in their past did and said to them. They are trying not to believe the bad things people said about them, but they are struggling. People who have a lot, aspire to be more themselves and some lack the confidence that it takes to be more. They walk around fearing that people will find out that they are not who they present themselves to be and essentially make themselves a prisoner to an image. You, I, and they know our/their own thoughts and demons. We walk around hurt and not talking about it. We walk around afraid and won’t speak up. We walk around carrying the past and won’t tell people we can’t begin to even become the person we imagine because we are still that scared, lonely, sad, or abused child deep on the inside where people can’t see and we can’t seem to get rid of the feelings associated with that child. We walk around afraid of being rejected by yet another person after being rejected and denied by our fathers, mothers, and people we wished loved us. We walk around being the HUMAN BEINGS we are supposed to be thinking we must be a supernatural being who can’t say what we are feeling. So, we keep everything on the inside and become prisoners to ourselves. The problem with this is that it affects our goals, wants, needs, and ability to function. It makes us seem worthless and makes us not want to reach for anything, try, or, for some, even want to live. We are bored with life and lack vision. In order to truly be able to live and look forward, we must allow ourselves grace and mercy. We are human. We are dynamic. We are survivors. We are here. We must get out of our past, get out of our heads, and walk around those mountains of fear, failure, and disappointment. We must tell ourselves daily that we are not the person we used to be and the only thing that is stopping us is us. We must know that we are here because we are supposed to be. We experienced what we experienced because we were supposed to. We must know that when we want to check out on this life physically or mentally that we cannot give up and give in and we must get up. Why? Because, someone needs to see that you have overcome your past. Someone needs to know that you have fought your demons and won. Someone needs to know the people who hurt you have not won. That someone who needs to know these things is you. Invest in yourself and continually turn your back on your past IN YOUR MIND and move toward the future despite how hard it is. Stop being a prisoner to yourself.